Endings Are Beautiful Too
Helaine Iris
© 2003

“To be able to look at change as an opportunity to grow–that is the secret to being happy.” Joan Lunden

As I stepped outside this morning for my daily power walk the brisk October air braced my cheeks. The deep, fragrant aromas of wood smoke and dying leaves; autumn in New England filled me with an unexpected joy and appreciation for the season. I looked around at the spectacular, vivid color of the trees. My sneakers kicked through the crinkly red, orange and brown piles waiting to be raked. I remembered that I use to hate fall.

Fall meant death, the end of summer, my favorite time of year. I was a summer person flourishing in the bounty of life at its fullest. Every year, falls approach signaled to me an ending, a time to let go and I didn’t look forward to it.

As I was walking and breathing deeply in the beauty of the morning I began to experience my relationship with the changing seasons as a metaphor for my life. I began to think about how well we as a culture celebrate birth, youth and new beginnings and how we’re taught to fear death, change and endings.

Recently, I had an experience where my affiliation with an organization dear to me was complete. It had become clear that it was time to let go and move on. The change would mean a decrease of revenue, as well as a loss of supportive associates. Naturally, I was conflicted about making the decision to leave and felt some pain in the separation. I wondered how I would compensate for the change, and what I would replace the emptiness with where a once thriving opportunity lived.

Then yesterday, I worked with a client who absolutely hates her job. She dreads going to work each day and is miserable, yet with growing certainty is clear she needs a career change. She’s been struggling with this dilemma for months and is terrified to take a step to change her life.

What became clear was the enormous resistance most of us have to change and how much suffering it causes in our lives.

Is your first impulse to avoid change or to resist endings and hold on to something longer than is healthy or useful?

Here is a practice that helps me make friends with endings and change:

1. Start by looking into your past. Can you honestly say that any change you’ve made didn’t leave you in a better place than you imagined? By realizing this you will build positive evidence that change is most often a good thing.

2. Next, take an inventory of what you are afraid to let go of. What do you think you might lose by ending or changing your situation? You might be right, AND, by bringing what you fear into the light you can more realistically evaluate if it is a true consideration or simply a fear.

3. Now, look at what you are making the change mean. For example, “I’m a failure at relationships”, I’ll never be satisfied with any job, I’ll regret…” Ask yourself and see if these self-defeating statements are really true.

4. Finally, make a list of all the possible benefits to be gained by making the change. Also consider how this change could benefit those in your world. If you were happier or less stressed, what would the ripple effect be?

By using this practice I let go of my business affiliation. I took a deep breath and moved on. Within about two weeks I had a new opportunity full of promise and excitement drop into my lap.

I’m learning to appreciate change and endings much in the way I find the colors of fall leaves beautiful. The dying of leaves produces the breathtaking color. Without it there would be no chance of birth and new beginnings in the spring.

Fall. Bring it on. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

It’s YOUR life…imagine the possibilities!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

As each day presents you with a chance to squeeze the last drop out of the juiciness of the day because it will never return – will you take it or leave it? The
choice is always yours to make. May this moment mark the beginning of each day of your life being lived with extreme passion. You are worth every drop – make sure you make it worth it!

Here are my tips on how to squeeze the last drop of juiciness out of each day:

1. What is your aim, objective, wanted outcome and ultimate goal? Set a clear intention which will allow you to step behind your outcome and commit yourself to the steps required to accomplish the task in hand.

2. As you wake each day, create a daily to-do list so that you can stick to the plan of what needs to be done allowing you time to later explore so that there are no barriers, obstructions or obstacles in your way.

3. While you work towards that goal, first accomplishing the primary stages, make sure you check to see how it is going now and again so that you can tweak your intentions, strategies and plans so that you are living what you dreamed of and in the plane of love and creativity.

4. Create some fun in your to-do list each day so that you maintain an artful balance in your day’s work. Example of such areas that require creative balance are intellectual growth, physical health and discipline and freedom.

5. Each day, spend at least 15 minutes creating peace within you. This may be through spiritual, connective practice or just spending some time with nature and appreciating everything you have. Breathe deeply during this time allowing the gift of aerobic power to work effectively and allow your abundant, beautiful path to unfold naturally.

6. As you undertake destroying each task on your to-do list by accomplishing it, keep an open mind, yet remain playful with a focussed attitude so that you enjoy each moment and get it done as quick as you can with 100% committment and dedication. The focussed laser beam attitude should cultivate abundance, passion and open further possibilities.

7. Whilst you are undertaking completion of each to-do list, don’t lose the essence of your personal giftedness and always celebrate the accomplishment of each task however small it is. Reward yourself whether you finished a 5 minute task or a 5 hour project. Acknowledge all around you.

8. Stop rushing NOW! Time is in abundance and being in this rushing state will not allow you to work with abundance and cultivate a serene attitude of gratitude. Rushing happens when you think there is not enough time. Extinguish this presence of rush and begin living in abundance.

9. Make the most of every moment of this day, every day. Whilst you do this, value, appreciate, acknowledge and let the pure abundant love boom out of you with all that you do as each moment helps to build the bridge towards your dreams.

FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING YOU HAVE DONE WHICH YOU THOUGHT WAS “WRONG” MOVE TOWARDS CREATING THE LIFE YOU ALWAYS DREAMED OF WITH PURPOSE, PASSION AND LOVE!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Fearing the Future … I am what I fear!

 by: Edward B. Toupin

When we were children, we were fearless. We would stick our hands in the fire, chew on the beetle bugs, and eat that dirt. But, over time, we learned those things that we should not do through experience and from “parental voices” — those baseless fears passed down through the generations. Later in life, we learned that fire burns, beetle bugs are “yucky” and dirt is not nutritious. But, we also learned all of the things that our parents learned, including their fears and phobias, and integrated those lessons into our own “belief systems.”

Our belief systems are the basis of our personalities and the foundations of our directions in life — they are the rules by which we live. In essence, our fears, desires, and values define each of us. We are what we believe — including our fears. However, consider what your current fears are that prevent you from moving forward. Realize that these fears are of things that we were taught and those things that we learned on our own — in the past. Fear is based on past experiences and not on those things that we have not yet encountered. With that, we only fear what we’ve “already experienced.” The “fear of the unknown” is doubt in the future based on the circumstances that we’ve encountered in the past.

Since we are what we believe, we can change who we are by enhancing our belief systems. To overcome your fears, you must first determine if the fear is based on something learned through experience or taught to us by parental voices. Fears that are taught or passed down to us can be more prominent than those we learn from personal experiences because we don’t know why we fear such things. We can overcome fears through rational thinking if we’re able to learn why such situations occurred that caused the fear. But, if we don’t know the basis, we won’t look further because we fear what we “might” find.

If you don’t know why you have certain fears and cannot rationalize them, they need to be eliminated. Baseless fears are unreal and create a false blockage and a reason to give up, surrender, and rest in a comfort zone. Determine which fears are baseless and replace them with practical experiences. Realistic fears based on actual experiences can be rationalized and resolved. These resolutions can then be integrated into our lives to learn lessons and move forward in life.

Once we are able to define and diffuse our core fears, we can then rely on the fear of returning to our prior state or not succeeding in our life to drive us forward. You can then devise a plan of action to reach your Vision and focus on desires of success and fulfillment instead of hiding in the dark from the empty fears of our “parental voices.”

About The Author

Edward B. Toupin is an author, life-strategy coach, counselor, Reiki Master, technical writer, and PhD Candidate living in Las Vegas, NV. Among other things, he authors books, articles, and screenplays on topics ranging from career success through life organization and fulfillment. Check out some of his recent print and electronic books as well as his articles covering various life-changing topics!

For more information, e-mail Edward at etoupin@toupin.com or visit his site at http://www.make-life-great.com or http://www.toupin.com!

Copyright (c) 2004 Edward B. Toupin

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com

I used to work for a large office supplies company. Like a lot of companies, there would be the dreaded annual event of stock taking to look forward to. It was a time of “all hands on deck”. It made no difference what your position was, we all had a part to play in counting out and recording each item of stock held in the warehouse. People would be found in dark corners counting everything from thermal sealing devices to staples.

From time to time, a quantity of certain items would be discovered as either not on the original list or simply obsolete. For the bargain hunter, this was good because it meant they were no longer required by the company and were to be tossed out. Many a worker would go home with their pockets stuffed with pens or cars loaded with printer paper! All perfectly legitimate I would add!

Have you noticed how people love bargains? Everywhere you go, you find events like clearance sales, summer sales, January sales, clearouts, garage sales, jumble sales, second-hand stores (thrift stores in the U.S.)., etc., etc., Why is that? Why are some of us quite prepared to queue for hours, “fight” for a good position, jostle with others over the “bargain of the day”? It could of course, be simply to do with saving money, but perhaps a better concept would be that within the hope of identifying something of value, you have to give little in return.

Gambling is a similar concept. People place their money in a position where they feel they will get something for nothing (or little outlay). We seem to be a world of “treasure hunters” each seeking for our gold reward.

An interesting thing though, regarding treasure hunting, is that there is a considerable amount of work involved. Let`s give some simple modern day examples of that:

Jumble Sales/Bazaars/Garage Sales/conventional shop/store sales and fetes all have similar requirements – If you want the treasures or the bargains, you need to be somewhere up front in the queue. You need re-enforcements too! The way to play it is that the chief buyer of the group has to take point (as they say in the military), with ideally at least two assistants that cover the rear. Why? So that the minute those doors open, those guarding the rear can ensure they block the way of others coming up from the back of the queue cannot get past! Once through the doors, it is a similar tactic. The chief buyer goes to the table or stall where the “treasures” are to be found, whilst the rear guard (three are better for this), form a semi circle around the buyer from behind, to make sure they are not jostled out of position by the use of pushing, elbows, and carefully positioned umbrella points! All this after having been queuing to get in (in all weathers) for up to an hour before it starts! In fact, for some store/shop sales, it is not at all unusual for a small camping site queue to develop right outside the front of the store a day or two in advance!

Secondhand or thrift stores are different. This is more about tactics than the almost all out warefare of the previous treasure hunting variety. You could be well rewarded if you could work out when the main delivery days are from the store`s distribution base. Some deliveries are made straight to the store of course. If you are really keen to be the first to sift through the latest load, then you too might find yourself queuing before the store opens. Once inside, occasionally, the point/flank tactics can be useful.

Other kinds of treasure hunting include walking around with something akin to a walking stick pointing at an angle toward the ground and a handleless frying pan attached to the bottom of it. The owner can be seen trundling along beaches and muddy fields in the hope of seeking some long lost artefact or at least some small change that was once the lost content of a child`s pocket money. Or if they are really lucky, a £1000 watch that had fallen from a beach towel! I have always rather fancied trying it myself to see what I might discover in my local park! (It`s around 100 miles to the nearest beach!)

What had to be undergone however, before that stage of “freedom” to help themselves to things that they perceived to be of value could occur? Effort.
All in all, “treasure hunting” or seeking something of value, of any kind takes effort. A lot of that effort involves stress and anxiety, some is just plain persistence, motivation and energy. Somewhere in there from time to time, you will also find that not so good ingredient – disappointment.

To get back to the title of this article (“6 Steps To Your Personal Treasure” – in case you have forgotten!), let`s take a quick look at what a good offer or bargain would consist of. How about this description: “A bargain offer would be the presentation of an item that required less expenditure without loss of quality”. How does that sound? Fair? I want to break that down a little further. As the potential buyer of such an offer, what would it take for the item to be important to you and worth pursuing? Here is a short list of random things I feel might be valid. Please feel free to make your own list if you like:

1.I must see it as having value to me or to a person I wish to give it to.
2.It must not require as much expenditure as normal.
3.In must not require any more effort to obtain than I am prepared or able to apply.

Okay, so we have identified what a clearance offer might consist of, now let`s take a look at what might prevent us from winning such a prize:

1.Someone else might beat us to the prize.
2.It might require more effort from us than we are prepared to apply.
3.We might make a mistake in perceiving its value to us or to the person you wish to give it to.
4.The quality may not be that which we perceived it to be.

How would you feel if you could have all the opposition removed i.e. if all those potential problems did not exist? Relieved? Excited? Something similar? Of course you would, and you would have your valuable item – your treasure. If that is what you want – what you truly want, you can do it. You can start collecting your treasures together. I suppose you would like to know how now? Okay, here are the steps to direct access to your identified treasures:

STEP 1: Recognize what you consider to be treasure.
STEP 2: Know where to find it – take some form of guide if necessary.
STEP 3: Protect yourself using appropriate tactics as you make your way toward your treasure.
STEP 4: Pay the price for the treasure
STEP 5: Keep the treasure secure
STEP 6: Apply the treasure in the most productive way

Let`s look at those steps a little more closely.

STEP 1: Recognize what you consider to be treasure. This is all about values. What might be of value to one person, might not be of such great value to someone else. To use a personal example, I am quite religious, so the Bible and other scriptures are very important to me. These are “treasures” to me. To someone who is not religious, they may well be considered simply as historic books. There are many analogies that could be used. There are things taken for granted by some people, but are the key to life itself for others. Take water for example. I turn on the tap and drink, wash, etc. I`m quite sure you know of places where if there is water, it is unfit for use. Recognize your treasure – what it is that has value to you. Life is not just about money and financial profit.

STEP 2: Know where to find it. Take a guide if necessary. The treasure maps of old where not like the route planners of today that get you from place to place with every turn indicated. They were deliberately vague and calculated to only be interpreted by the privileged few. You need to know where your treasure is otherwise you will not be able to access it. Obvious stuff really, but someone had to say it! Actually is it obvious? It will certainly be a lot more obvious if you have got step 1 right.

STEP 3: Protect yourself using appropriate tactics as you make your way toward your treasure. There`s competition out there. Those things that are valuable to you may possibly be unique to you, but that doesn`t stop other people and organizations from trying to take those values from you and replace them with their own. Letting your guard down would allow this to happen, So how do you do this? The story goes of a tree that produced valuable fruit. The only way to reach that tree and its fruit was to tread a narrow path through an area that was difficult to see through. With opposing forces trying to divert the seeker of such fruit, it was all to easy to lose their way. Fortunately, alongside this path was an iron rail. All the seeker had to do was hold tight to that rail and follow it. That is what you need to do, discover your strengths and hold on to them as you seek for your treasure. Do not be diverted. Constantly remind yourself of your purpose.

STEP 4: Pay The Price For The Treasure. For a ship to set sail in search of treasure, do you suppose it is free to do so? What about paying the men? You might say that the discovery of the treasure is payment enough. Perhaps so, but what of the sustenance for these men as they journey? What of the cost in terms of time and materials? What of sacrifices that may have to be made that will enable both the journey and the discovery to be made? You can have anything you want in this world, as long as you are prepared to pay the price.

STEP 5: Keep the treasure secure. Nearly every pirate film I have seen where there is the discovery of treasure involved, there seems to be a very insecure process of gathering and storing the treasure. The pirates tend to launch themselves at with delirious attention. They don`t seem to care what is dropped along the way. They virtually leave a trail in their wake. The treasure chests are loaded with almost equal abandon.

You could argue that with so much treasure why should they worry? The point I am making is that whatever is lost or left behind, someone else is likely to gather. How important is your treasure – your set of values? Can you afford to let some of them slide away from you? Can you afford to not be particularly concerned about your values if they fall along the way?

STEP 6: Apply the treasure in the most productive way. Sticking with our pirate analogy, what inevitably would pirates do with the treasure they gathered? Do you think they would simply eat from gold plates, drink from gold cups etc., for the rest of their lives? To some extent, they would, but a good proportion would be melted down and turned into gold bullion as it would be easier to distribute and exchange. To the pirate, the beauty and workmanship of the articles would not be kept and admired – except perhaps by some or for a short while.

Your treasure – your values have a purpose. They declare who you are – the essence of your character. How you apply those values in your everyday life not only formulates the existence of your choice, but also affects others around you – especially those close to you. Your example can help others to secure their own treasure.

So what have we discovered here? What have we learned? Personally, as I have put this together, it has consolidated my thinking in three areas. Maybe it has done the same for you:

1)The real treasures of life are not material things.
2)My values are amongst my greatest treasures because they formulate my life and affect the lives of others.
3)You have to work not just to build or obtain values, but also to keep them.

Values – the treasure not kept in a chest, but in the heart.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR