R-E-S-P-E-C-T: 25 Ways To Show It

 by: Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

Convicted criminals report that their violent behavior was caused by perceived disrespect.*

Everyone wants to be treated with respect, but respect means different things to different people. It also means different things in different cultures, so treating others with respect often becomes a serious problem. If you want to avoid offending someone by being disrespectful, you must think about both what they need and how you act.

Respect sometimes means

1. Look at me¬make eye contact!
2. Don’t look at me.
3. Listen attentively when I speak
4. Respond to what I mean instead of to what I say. That often means respond to my emotions as well as to my words.
5. Ignore my emotions when I am supposed to appear strong.
6. Keep the agreements you make with me.
7. Keep time agreements with me. Don’t keep me waiting.
8. Notice what seems to be important to me and comment on it.
9. Remember what I like and dislike.
10. Don’t force me to encounter things I hate.
11. Allow me my privacy.
12. Don’t ignore me.
13. Acknowledge everything I do well.
14. Don’t demean me by commenting on my expected work.
15. Offer to shake hands.
16. Never disagree with me.
17. Challenge my thinking.
18. Don’t interrupt me.
19. Interrupt me, it means you are listening and you care. New York)
20. Protect me.
21. Challenge me¬give me tough things to do.
22. Always speak in a calm way.
23. Match the energy of my excitement.
24. Always use my title.
25. Use my first name.

Yes, it is contradictory! How can you sort it out? First and foremost, recognize that people are different from you and from each other.

Be mindful of the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Be even more mindful of the Platinum Rule, “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.”

Pay attention to how others respond to you and, when possible, when you can do so without violating your own principles, treat them as they expect and wish to be treated.

*Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemic .by James Gilligan, MD

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Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

Email: media@laurieweiss.com

Copyright 2004 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

About The Author

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., author of Dare To Say It!, is an internationally known executive coach, psychotherapist, and author. For more simple secrets for turning difficult conversations into amazing opportunities for cooperation and success, visit http://www.DareToSayIt.com or email: feedback@laurieweiss.com

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There is a Growth Formula I have used in
Coaching that has really made some huge shifts
In the lives of those who apply it.

Very simply, it is:

Insight + Action = Growth and Development

After practicing a while, I learned that a minor
Shift of this formula made a significant impact.

Here is the change:

Insight (Gold Nugget) + Passionate Action =
Exponential Growth and Development.

Action can either be Passionate Action
(which is deliberate, purposeful, intentional
based in moving towards the possibilities)
or it can be Frenetic Action (which is
usually based in a fear or scarcity or lack:
poverty consciousness. It is about running
away from something or avoiding something).

Choose the PASSIONATE action for
EXPONENTIAL Growth and Development.

Action Tip: Today when you are spending
time reading any personal growth material
read it with a piece of paper or notebook
beside you. Make a line in the middle of
the page lengthwise and label the left
side “Insights” or “Gold Nuggets”
make note of the Insights or Gold Nuggets
as they occur.

When you are done with your reading,
reflect upon what Passionate (not
Frenetic) Action you can take in
regards to that insight. Write the
action down. Commit to it.

Simply TAKE PASSIONATE ACTION!

You are on your way to Exponential
Growth!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

How many times have you made a New Year Resolution only to give up weeks later?

And then you’ll blame lack of time… lack of motivation… willpower or so on. Yet there is no one alive who lacks motivation, time or willpower.

Take for example the millions of people who every year declare that this time they are going to lose some weight. Just weeks later they start beating themselves up for lacking motivation and willpower… for not being good enough and anything else they feel bad about themselves.

Yet being overweight is not due to lack of motivation… but too much motivation. The reason anyone is overweight (apart from a few extremely rare cases) is because they have too much motivation… for cheese, crisps, cakes, chocolate or whatever their particular vice is.

People can’t stick to an exercise routine… because they are more motivated to do anything other than exercise.

Motivation is never the problem. The problem is what fuels your motivation.

In general, we gravitate towards the things that we think will bring us most pleasure and least pain. It may vary depending on our personalities. For example, Introverts will tend to be more concerned with avoiding pain, whereas Extroverts will be most interested in gaining pleasure. Some people will delay gratification for a bigger pay-off… while others want it now. But overall we want the best deal we think we can get for the cards we’ve been dealt.

Since one of the most universal complaints is lacking motivation for exercise, let’s trace the steps a three-month exerciser goes through to create their motivation and its downfall.

Most people, who start and stop exercising, begin with a very specific fear. So while they will generally say they just want to shape up, it goes far beyond that. Here’s the real truth.

They have probably been thinking about exercising for months. But they were never motivated enough to get started. Certain times of year, such as January are natural times to make changes.

But other than that there is a reason. Deep, deep down many people who start exercising do so for basically two reasons.

One is that a Doctor has sufficiently frightened them into it.

The more common is that they want to look more attractive. Now everyone wants to look more attractive. So in itself that isn’t motivating enough. But when the individual’s relationship is in trouble, when they’ve just got divorced or split up, when they think their Partner is having an affair. That is when they suddenly get motivated to act.

They look in the mirror more critically. They start thinking about competing for their partner… or generally being on the dating market. It bothers them. They catch themselves as they walk past shop windows. They imagine meeting new people. Being seen naked by a new lover. And then they look down at the cellulite or the paunch.

Now they’re motivated. They have something that hurts and so they are motivated to heal that pain.

After two or three months though, the relationship has recovered. They found that their Partner isn’t having an affair. The Divorcee has met someone else. Whatever the problem was… its no longer so painful. So their motivation for exercise has waned.

But going to the Gym and torturing yourself for 45 minutes is still as dull as ever. “Look at all the more relevant and interesting things I could be doing. Of course I’d like to be in great shape, but it’ll take so long. I could get instant pleasure by doing this other stuff – right now”. So the motivation drops off with the exercise routine.

The problem is never motivation… it is how you fuel your motivation. How are you fuelling your motivation?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A Quick Checklist for Improving Your Life

 by: Gene Simmons

1. Learn About You

If you don’t know who you are and why you think and act the way you do, it’s gonna be really difficult to make any positive changes in your life. Take a look first at your parents and close family members. Think about how they look and how they deal with life. This is the basis for who you are today. You’ve been instilled with the tendency to think as they think and act as they act. It’s just the way it is.

Now think about the big events in your life so far. The ones that stand out in your mind. The ones that made an impression – negative or positive – on you. These events have likely influenced how you think and act today. Oh sure, we can add in every little thing that you’ve ever seen, heard, felt, smelled or touched because “everything” has had some effect on you – on how you think and deal with life. But it’s the “biggies” that usually have the most impact.

You can write some of this down if you want to. Make a list of things you like or don’t like. Things you enjoy doing. Things that make you happy or sad. But you don’t need to if you’d rather not. Just thinking about this is a major step in the right direction. Just get to know you. It’s important.

2. Learn About Others

You already know now why you are you. Think about why other people think and act as they do. It should be fairly simple because they’re who and what they are for the same reasons you are who you are. They’ve just had a different family and life experiences. Therefore, they’ll all act at least somewhat differently – and think differently – than you. Why spend the time learning about others? Well because – the more you learn about why other folks think and act as they do, the more you’ll learn about yourself. And that’s still important.

3. Practice Thinking Differently

If you continue to think the same way as you do right now, nothing can change. Everything we do is based on how we think – about ourselves, about others and about life. If you think life is pretty crappy, well sure enough, it’ll be pretty crappy. If you think life is generally OK, sure enough, it’ll be generally OK. If you think you’re a loser, you are. If you think you have a lot to offer your friends, family and this world, you do. We think our way to our destiny. What’s your destiny?

4. Pour a Solid Foundation

You can’t build much of anything without a strong foundation structure. Roads, buildings, bridges, cars, life – all require a firm foundation to last and withstand the eroding elements of nature. If you haven’t already, you might consider looking into using a spiritually-based concrete for your foundation. (No, I didn’t say religious but if that’s your preference, use it.) Strong values and principles can provide reinforcement. If you’ll continue to work to add strength to your under-footing as you go through life, you’ll have all the support you’ll ever need.

5. Build a New Life

Use whatever references you think you need to start – and continue – your building process. There are plenty of organizations, schools and references of all types available to help you on your way. Find the experts and listen to their stories and advice. Identify a mentor, coach or a close friend who can give you lots of support and encouragement. And be sure to DO SOMETHING! ACT! All the information and knowledge is worthless unless you put it to work for you. Decide what you would like your destiny to be. Then just go for it!

About The Author

Gene, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog, articles and links along with affordable books and materials written to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It’s a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/

gene@nupathz.com

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