No More Desperation Dating

 by: Kathryn Lord

When you think about what you find attractive in a person, what comes to mind? Tall, dark and handsome? Blonde and curvaceous?

How about happy and fulfilled with an exciting life?

I don’t know about you, but I would pick the happy, exciting life every time. While physical chemistry is important, I know quite a number of people who would not win a beauty pageant, but are so filled with life and energy that they draw the attention of everyone when they enter a room. They may not be the easiest on the eye, but they certainly are the ones I want to talk to and spend time with.

***Looking Ahead***

As we get ready for the search for our future partners, an easy aspect to overlook is our attitude towards our own lives. Each time I have found myself single, adjusting myself to the possible reality that I might be that way the rest of my life has seemed imperative. A part of that adjustment has always included building a happy and interesting life for myself.

How you feel about your life now as a single person and the possibility that you might stay single, affects what you portray to others. If you hate your life, think that being married or partnered is the only valued way to live, and look towards a future as a single as depressing, sad, or bleak, believe me, that shows. And it is very unattractive.

As well, that sort of mind set leads to desperation and neediness, which will really cloud your judgment when it comes to sorting through mate possibilities. How will you be able to freely decide if someone is right for you if you feel impelled to launch yourself towards the first person who shows a bit of interest?

Staying centered and clear-headed is going to be vital to your future, and feeling miserable about your current life and prospects will really cloud your judgment.

***Three Action Steps***

1. Start thinking about improving your life as a single and your attitude towards it right now. What are you proud of, and what do you need to improve upon, to feel better about your life and the future?

2. If you knew, right now, that you were going to spend the rest of your life as a single, what would you need to do so that you would have as interesting and vital a life by yourself as you imagine life with a partner would be?

3. While important to place priority on finding a mate, how can you move it to the side, and make your own life and its vitalness central?

Though sounding contradictory, happiness with your life as it is now, and at the same time, making yourself ready to change it by finding a mate, actually provides needed balance. Your satisfaction with what you have will be exciting and attractive to others. You will not come across as needy, a real turn off.

***Want or Need?***

Want and need are two very different things. *Want* implies desire, but something that you could do without. *Need* has a desperate edge. Because you are looking, you will be signaling that you *want* a relationship and are willing to make space and change for that in your already full life. But you don’t *need* another to make yourself complete.

One of the best ingredients for a successful relationship are two people who know how to satisfy their own needs. They are happy by themselves and not *needing* a relationship.

Wanting, yes.

Needing, no.

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved

About The Author

Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach / Helping Singles Find A Sweetheart!

eBk: “Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women”

Purchase ebook at: http://www.cafeshops.com/findasweetheart

Want more? Get my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*

Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html

www.Find-A-Sweetheart.com / email: Kathryn@Find-A-Sweetheart.com

4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph.601-619-0030

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com

There’s a motivational speaker by the name of Charles
“Tremendous” Jones. One of his quotes is “Every problem is
an opportunity to cash in on.”

Well the last few weeks his theories have been put to the
test.

I’ve been doing the rounds with various Medical tests and
specialists. I ordered a PC which ended up having a bad
hard drive. I had to jump back and forth between PC’s just
to get anything done.

Wow!

I was starting to wonder if old “Tremendous was right, or
was it just wishful thinking?

Those demons of negative thinking were kicking in. How was I
going to handle it?

My first reaction was to start “sucking my thumb,” and have
a “pity party.” It sure would be a lot easier to “throw in
the towel,” and blame fate.

That lasted a day or two and then I started thinking about
taking advantage of the extra time I had available.

I started studying. Maybe all these problems were what I
needed? Sometimes we get so tied up working our businesses,
we don’t have time to learn and grow.

Charlie was right, this was the best thing that could have
happened. I was forced to step back, re- evaluate and move
to the next level.

So what have I learned during my little break?

1. I found a nice software program to make it easier to
write my articles. I can write my articles and format them
at the same time.

2. I had a chance to recognize the new direction of online
marketing. Marketers have taken a major leap in combining
residual income with viral marketing.

They’ve taken the best aspects of network marketing and
eliminated the need for building a downline. Residuals are
built in, but you still have direct profits on every sale.

3. I’ve had time to evaluate my marketing and eliminate
what doesn’t work. I can now zero in on what works and quit
wasting time on what doesn’t.

I could go on for days listing what I’ve learned in the
last few weeks and it wouldn’t have been possible, if I
wasn’t forced to step back and look at my efforts with a
new set of eyes.

Savvy internet marketers are taking their efforts to the
next level and it would have taken me months to catch on to
this new trend, if I were busy working my business.

So it’s true “Every problem is an opportunity to cash in on.”

Thank God for my problems. Without them, I wouldn’t have
noticed the new wave in marketing. The two weeks of studying
have proven to be my best investment yet.

I’m looking at my business through new eyes and I’m “Ready
to catch the wave.”

Wishing You Success

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

After studying scores of great thinkers like Leonardo Da Vinci, I think I’ve stumbled upon what really set them apart from the rest of the folks living
(and thinking) at the same time.

It’s remarkably simple. They learned how to entertain a
thought.

Aristotle said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be
able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Hmmm. To entertain a thought without accepting it.

We need to do that. Everyone needs to learn how to be a good host or hostess to new ideas. In fact, our goal should be to become the Martha Stewart of mental entertaining!

What if you treated a new thought like a guest?

It’s easier to think about mental entertaining if we put together a to-do list, just like Martha. Here it
is:

#1 Make the first move.
First of all, you issue an invitation. Nothing fancy. You don’t have to make
any major investment or lifelong commitment. You’re simply inviting this person in.

It’s the same with initiating the entertainment of an idea. You might see a quote on the side of a bus
somewhere, and decide you’d like to explore that concept more deeply. Or, maybe you find yourself bumping into the same topic all the time, and so you
make up your mind to learn more about it. Either way, you need to be ready to initiate the process. Don’t
hide–you won’t meet new ideas if you scurry away whenever the doorbell rings.

#2 Prepare.
Uh-oh. Your house is a mess. You’d better do some cleaning. You’re not really trying to impress, but hey, you could certainly do some sprucing up and get the place looking neat and inviting.

Prepare for a new thought in the same way. Make some space in your mind to think about something new. According to Deepak Chopra, the well-known
author on health and longevity, the average human has 60,000 thoughts a day. Pretty impressive? Well, here’s
the kicker: 57,000 of those are the same ones you had YESTERDAY! Now that’s some serious clutter! Get rid
of a few of those dusty old thoughts and make room for
new ones.

#3 Offer a warm greeting.
When your new guest arrives, be warm and inviting. After all, you’re
hoping to start a friendship. Put your best foot forward.

It’s the same with an idea. If you face it with skepticism, fear or detachment, you won’t be entertaining it for long. You’ll be eyeing your watch, yawning, or looking for a way to end the discussion early. You’ve got to be open and full of anticipation to
prepare an environment in which new ideas will be explored and integrated fully. Just as it’s no fair making
lame excuses or having your friend call to interrupt the visit, it’s also cheating to cut out too soon when it
comes to entertaining an idea.

#4 Make introductions. T
This is the big one. You would certainly introduce your guest to everyone at the party, with a special effort to connect them to those with whom they may have something in
common.

Any new idea you consider will be more likely to be welcomed if you actively and intentionally introduce it
to your other ideas and interests. Look for unusual and inspired pairings. How does it fit? Where does it fit?
DOES it fit? You won’t know until you try.

Picture Leonardo Da Vinci’s mental entertaining. His new idea, Human Flight, arrives, and immediately Leo
sets about introducing him to others. “Human, meet my good friend, Engineering, and his lovely wife, Fabric Design. Oh, and have you met Bird Anatomy? She lives just around the corner from you. Oh, Dr.
Entomology has arrived! Listen, Dr. E is absolutely brilliant, but a bit hard of hearing. Ask her about her
recent work on the wings of insects! Now, you all make yourselves comfy and I’ll go get some more wine.”

What happened at that party? Leonardo threw these ideas together, and BAM! What emerged was the idea for a perfectly designed parachute as well as a remarkable helicopter–hundreds of years before the Wright brothers started building their flying machines! Talk about a soaring success! Don’t you wish you’d been there?

#5 Offer the best seat in the house. You usually sit in that nice chair there by the fireplace, but when a special guest comes over, you graciously offer it.

When you are entertaining a new thought, give it the consideration it deserves. Every time you think a new
thought, your brain is actually creating a new neural pathway. It’s like a jungle in there, full of nerve
endings and ganglia and all kinds of connections. Help it along. Make it comfortable.

Once you’ve considered an idea, that pathway is there. All you have to do to keep it “live” is to keep
going down that path often enough to clear the trail, but not so often that it becomes a rut.

#6 Listen, inquire, and show interest.
Ask questions. Dig a little deeper. Find the connections to other people, places, and activities. Learn as much as you can about your new idea.

#7 Relinquish control.
Just like when you introduce guests to each other, you should not try to
control the outcome. Some guests might hate each other on sight, while others click instantly. People might argue, or a married guest might sneak off to a
back room with someone other than their partner. Anything can happen!

That’s not up to you. You’re having this party to offer an opportunity for people to connect. Make introductions, insert a few comments, smile and
acknowledge everyone, but for the most part, just let things happen. Don’t direct the flow of ideas.

#8 Leave room for future possibilities.
Even if you decide this guest of yours is insufferable, you don’t want to burn any bridges. Be gracious, and be glad you were excellent enough to offer the
invitation.

You’re not going to like every idea that comes your way. And you might not find any other interest or idea
that connects with it initially. That’s fine. You need to develop the ability to recognize useful concepts and distinguish valuable and valid ideas from those lacking a strong foundation. That’s what critical thinking is all about.

But you also need to file that idea away so that you can look it up if and when you DO meet a likely
candidate for another gathering of thoughts.

There is a great deal of room for different styles of mental entertaining. Maybe you’re best at dealing with only two ideas at a time, or maybe you want to throw a huge bash and welcome all comers.

Entertain in whatever style suits you. Tete-a-tete or bacchanal–it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s happening.

Learn how to entertain a thought.
With a little effort, you’ll become a perfect host or hostess to new ideas
that come your way. And guess what? You’ll have no hangover, no cleaning up, and no regrets.

Party on!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

How Fast Can We Do It? Speed Dating Online and Off

 by: Kathryn Lord

In an effort to cut down the time between meeting and mating to as close to zero as possible, up has popped Speed Dating!

For the uninitiated, speed dating happens when groups of singles meet together at a predetermined location. In an organized fashion, these folks talk to each other individually for under ten minutes (usually six to eight) per person, then switch to the next one in line. Next, each single rates interest (or no interest) in pursuing each contact. Afterwards, the organizers put the parties who indicated mutual interest in touch with each other, with what happens next up to the individuals concerned. Sort of like an adult version of Musical Chairs.

Offered by various businesses like HurryDate.com, and Pre-Dating.com, even the online dating veteran Match.com is jumping into the fray. Match.com sponsors live, face-to-face events in various cities.

But Match.com also has a completely online version that does not even require that you leave home — all you need is a computer online and another phone line or cell phone to use at the same time. After having a chance to look at the other’s profile and photo, the Match.com answer to supersonic speed puts you on the phone with one guy or gal after another — for an even shorter four minutes! Then, up comes the form, and just indicate your choice: “Yes, no, or maybe.”

Like most face to face events that I hear about (and I include the Match.com computer-based speed dating in this category), it sounds as if women usually outnumber men. Why? Well, women may just be more comfortable in these more social, on-the-spot sort of events. If you are not quick with words or good handling things on your feet, you’d be at a disadvantage. Guys report feeling trapped and uncomfortable. And there can be an air of competition that could make men antsy, not wanting to participate in something where they could lose or feel foolish.

There’s a message here for guys: Given the ratios, these kind of events would be great places for you to try. And they would provide great practice in mastering a social patter that would be useful in other situations.

The advantages to both men and women? Well, clearly, speed. And practice. And to “get your feet wet” and get a sense that there is plenty of choice out there. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get lucky!

The disadvantages? With face-to-face as well as online speed dating, you’ve got next to no screening except signing up / paying up / showing up. So you find a range of people, likely most of whom will not be even a passable fit for you.

With regular online dating, at least you get to screen to your heart’s content in total privacy, before making even one direct contact. You get to sift out potentials who are clearly wrong for you.

With speed dating events, what you see is what you get. As one woman reported, “When you see all those plaid jackets and missing teeth, it can be pretty depressing.”

Think about it: How fast do we really want to do this? After all, this is a life-partner search. What if the perfect guy or lady for you does not show him or herself the best in four to eight minutes?

Internet dating has already made the meeting process more efficient than we have ever known before. If we figure out many more ways to cut the time down, we’ll be saying “no” before any contact at all. That sounds suspiciously like staying home and doing nothing! Fast Can We Do It? Speed Dating Online and Off”

In an effort to cut down the time between meeting and mating to as close to zero as possible, up has popped Speed Dating!

For the uninitiated, speed dating happens when groups of singles meet together at a predetermined location. In an organized fashion, these folks talk to each other individually for under ten minutes (usually six to eight) per person, then switch to the next one in line. Next, each single rates interest (or no interest) in pursuing each contact. Afterwards, the organizers put the parties who indicated mutual interest in touch with each other, with what happens next up to the individuals concerned. Sort of like an adult version of Musical Chairs.

Offered by various businesses like HurryDate.com, and Pre-Dating.com, even the online dating veteran Match.com is jumping into the fray. Match.com sponsors live, face-to-face events in various cities.

But Match.com also has a completely online version that does not even require that you leave home — all you need is a computer online and another phone line or cell phone to use at the same time. After having a chance to look at the other’s profile and photo, the Match.com answer to supersonic speed puts you on the phone with one guy or gal after another — for an even shorter four minutes! Then, up comes the form, and just indicate your choice: “Yes, no, or maybe.”

Like most face to face events that I hear about (and I include the Match.com computer-based speed dating in this category), it sounds as if women usually outnumber men. Why? Well, women may just be more comfortable in these more social, on-the-spot sort of events. If you are not quick with words or good handling things on your feet, you’d be at a disadvantage. Guys report feeling trapped and uncomfortable. And there can be an air of competition that could make men antsy, not wanting to participate in something where they could lose or feel foolish.

There’s a message here for guys: Given the ratios, these kind of events would be great places for you to try. And they would provide great practice in mastering a social patter that would be useful in other situations.

The advantages to both men and women? Well, clearly, speed. And practice. And to “get your feet wet” and get a sense that there is plenty of choice out there. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get lucky!

The disadvantages? With face-to-face as well as online speed dating, you’ve got next to no screening except signing up / paying up / showing up. So you find a range of people, likely most of whom will not be even a passable fit for you.

With regular online dating, at least you get to screen to your heart’s content in total privacy, before making even one direct contact. You get to sift out potentials who are clearly wrong for you.

With speed dating events, what you see is what you get. As one woman reported, “When you see all those plaid jackets and missing teeth, it can be pretty depressing.”

Think about it: How fast do we really want to do this? After all, this is a life-partner search. What if the perfect guy or lady for you does not show him or herself the best in four to eight minutes?

Internet dating has already made the meeting process more efficient than we have ever known before. If we figure out many more ways to cut the time down, we’ll be saying “no” before any contact at all. That sounds suspiciously like staying home and doing nothing!

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved

About The Author

Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach / Helping Singles Find A Sweetheart!

eBk: “Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women”

Purchase ebook at: http://www.cafeshops.com/findasweetheart

Want more? Get my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*

Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html

www.Find-A-Sweetheart.com / email: Kathryn@Find-A-Sweetheart.com

4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph.601-619-0030

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com