The Harmless Lump That Opened My Eyes

 by: Ingela Berger

Once I discovered a lump in my groin. I was very worried and really believed it was cancer. When I talked to a nurse and described the symptoms I calmed down. It turned out to be a totally harmless lump, and it disappeared by itself within weeks, but for a couple of intense days I could think of nothing else but the lump and what it could mean to me. I depicted the most horrible scenes: me sitting on the hospital bed vomiting after the chemotherapy; my little son’s heartbroken face when saying farewell at my death-bed; my family crying over my grave.

During this nightmare it seemed important to me to really think about how I wanted my life to be. I started planning as if I had only one year left to live. I decided to live a life with quality and give priority to the things that were most important to me. I made several decisions and when I realised that the threat wasn’t so serious this time, I experienced a strong feeling of reverence and gratitude for the life I had in my hands. During the following years I tried to fulfil the plans I’d made during my trials and fears. The harmless lump turned out to be a turning-point in my life.

Maybe you have experienced something similar. Maybe for you it was a real disease and not just a warning shot. If you’ve been there you know that sooner or later there comes a time when we realise that life gives no guarantees. All of our plans and dreams can be demolished in a second. When we fully realise that, it becomes more important than ever to cherish what we have. It also becomes less important to quarrel and argue small details that don’t mean anything in the long run. Life is so valuable, let’s not waste time on things that are meaningless. about

We will all, most likely, face crises in life. Can one prepare for them? I think that a person who hasn’t reflected on his/her life could be up for a harder blow when the crisis comes, than a person who has made such reflections. Of course it’s very individual, but there’s definitely no harm in thinking about those things before you find yourself in the midst of a crisis. Through the crisis we will develop. But we can set the compass by ourselves; we can choose development before the crisis absorbs us. It then becomes a conscious process of change.

Self development as a result of conscious choices means that you have the power to choose your way in life. You have the power to change things, maybe just a small step at a time, but still, there is a freedom in this thought. When we stop just letting things happen to us, and grab the steering wheel, that’s when we are happy. We can take control and plan for a better future. Life will always surprise us and we will face problems and crises, yes, but when the hard times come, we will be stronger if we have made good choices.

Ingela Berger

http://www.lifestyleplans.com

About The Author

Ingela Berger started her own Internet business Lifestyle Plans in 2003 out of a desire to inspire and encourage others to make reality of their dreams of a personal, healthy and fulfilling lifestyle. Ingela has studied theatre directing, history of art, and leadership psychology. After some years working with art exhibitions and the theatre she is now back at school to become a health and lifestyle consultant.

Ingela@lifestyleplans.com

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com

Use this three step approach to start a conversation with
anyone! Stop fearing meeting people! Apply the three step
approach now. Memorize these and have them in your arsenal
to start a conversation with a customer, stranger, or new
contact.

1. Start by saying some plain statement. “Nice Party.”
“Nice weather.” “Long stoplight.” “Nice airport.” Etc.
Just a simple, statement, comment, etc.

2. After breaking the ice and getting them to nod or
verbally agree. Make another plain statement. It may work
to bounce off the first one. “Nice coat you are wearing.”
“Interesting car over there.” “The weather has been nice
for the past three weeks.” Etc. At this point you should
know whether he/she is open at all to talking.

3. Show interest in him by asking something. Use your
discretion in determining which questions to ask. You
should show interest but do not be to nosy at first.

Ask about something they are wearing, holding, etc.
Example: If they are wearing a name tag, ask about it.
Ask for their opinion on the weather, why the bus is late,
politics, etc. Show interest in their child, car, or
something that they are wearing or holding.Ask how their
day is going. “How do you spend most of your time?” Come up
with your own conversation starters.

Throughout these opening questions you are trying to gain
little nuggets of knowledge. You will then use these to
show interest in those areas, or ask his/her opinion about
them. If he/she reveals that s/he is a writer. Ask his/her
opinion on how young writers can get started writing.
Continue the conversation from there using other “Magic-
People-Skills” techniques. Observe and look for an
opportunity to show interest. This will then get them
talking.

You need to realize that there is no one right way to
start a conversation. Use your mind and decide which
phrases to use. If they do not want to talk, do not make
them talk. Also give out some information about yourself
(use discretion) so it does not seem that you are
interrogating them. You know the skills, now apply them.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

Title: Subtle Addictions
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul
Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 642
Category: Personal Growth, Addictions

SUBTLE ADDICTIONS
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Many people are aware of the fact that addictions are used to avoid pain, and most of us are aware of the common addictions: food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, TV, spending, work, sex, rage and so on. Most people, however, are not aware of the more subtle addictions, the addictions that are often so covert and pervasive that they are as invisible to us as the air we breathe. Yet these addictions may be impacting us negatively as much as the more overt addictions.

Take Sam, for example. Sam is the kind of person who ends up doing everything, both at home and at work. Sam works much harder in his retail business than either of his two partners, and often feels overwhelmed by the amount of work he has to do. On weekends, he ends up doing a lot of work around the house, even though he has two strong teenagers who could be helping out. Even when others offer to help, Sam turns them down. Sam is devoted to being a “nice guy” and caretaking others – doing for others what they need to be doing for themselves. On a deeper level, he is always trying to control how others’ perceive him. He wants them to see him as a caring person and often feel victimized when others do not give him the approval he seeks. Then, when others react to his attempts to control how they feel about him with irritation or withdrawal, Sam is angry that they are not approving of him. When he is really upset, he will get drunk. He will often obsessively ruminate about how unjust his wife is or his partners are. If his wife wants to explore their problems, Sam goes into defending, explaining and resisting, stating that she is just trying to control him. When nothing else works, Sam will withdraw.

There are many addictions going on here. The more overt ones are work, anger and drinking. Sam is also addicted to approval, to controlling how others see him through caretaking, to being a victim and blaming others for his misery, to obsessive thinking (ruminating), to defending, explaining, resisting, and withdrawing. All of these addictions serve the same purpose as the more overt addictions. They are all attempts to have control over getting love/approval and avoiding pain.

You might want to honestly look inside and see what some of your covert addictions are. Are you addicted to blaming others for your unhappy feelings? Do you use anger or tears to attempt to make others responsible for you? Are you addicted to illness as a way to avoid personal responsibility for yourself? Do you constantly give yourself up in an attempt to control how others feel about you? Are you more focused on trying to control others feelings about you than you are in taking loving care of yourself? How much of your thinking time is spent in daydreaming about what you want to say to others or how you wish life was instead of actually taking loving action for yourself? Do you get obsessive in your thinking about what you will say or do in a particular situation? How often do you explain and defend yourself rather than open to learning? How often do you get angry or withdraw to avoid dealing with yourself? How much time do you spend analyzing and figuring out yourself and others as a way to have control?

Any behavior other than taking loving, responsible care of yourself and being open to learning with yourself and others is addictive. All addictive behaviors are attempts to control rather than learn. Our intent to control or to learn actually governs all our behavior, and is the basis of the powerful Inner Bonding process that gradually heals addictive behavior (see our free course at http://www.innerbonding.com).

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Law and Order of the Spiritual Kind

 by: Geela

There is no such thing as a coincidence. Albert Einstein reasoned that, “God simply does not play dice.” While we may not fully understand the reasons behind certain events, there are laws and order in the universe specifically designed to facilitate harmony and prosperity for all living things. Yet, as humans, we violate not only man’s laws, but also the laws of the universe. It’s as if an “insanity” bug has plagued the world community, which has now reached epidemic proportions. Perhaps that’s because knowingly, or unknowingly, we choose not to live in harmony with the laws of the universe and as a result of our actions we experience failure, powerlessness and discord. Take for example one law – the law of cause and effect. Chaos seems to be the norm these days rather than the exception, but that is not the cause for our collective pain and misery. That’s only the effect resulting from an underlying cause that has to do with our own failure to observe and cooperate with the laws of the universe characterized by honoring all living things. Since personal accountability is demanded of us in our daily lives, why should we expect things to be any different on a grander scale – such as in the universe?

When greed, lack of awareness (the ability to see the unity in all living things) and the erosion of solid moral values, so inherent in a society driven by a materialist values system, cloud our thinking and numb our hearts to the point where we can’t tell the difference between right and wrong, we invariably experience failure and lack – lack of prosperity and security to lack of real joy, real love and a sense of meaning and purpose. Perhaps we need law and order to save us from ourselves. Law and order are there for a reason. In order to illustrate the value of having law and order on a grander and spiritual scale, imagine for a moment if there were no traffic lights – there would be nothing but chaos and every one would stand to lose. Law and order are necessary “tools,” not so much to restrict us but rather to enhance the quality of our lives by preventing us from “bumping” into each other, causing accidental mayhem and bringing destruction and chaos upon ourselves by default. But of course, rather than taking a good look at ourselves in the mirror, it’s always much easier to point the finger at someone or something else, like God. After all, no one can really prove it or disprove it either. Remember the classic story of the kid who failed to bring his homework to school and blamed it on the “monster” who ate it? Perhaps it’s time to make peace with the fact that there are laws and order in the universe that are actually good for us all. So, if you don’t like the effect (the current climate of world insanity that erodes any sense of security and joy), why not remove the root cause first. It’s easier than you think. Just by living in harmony with the laws of the universe, we can all achieve security, prosperity and freedom. And if it’s peace and cultural harmony you wish to experience, perhaps the words of Jimi Hendrix that “only when the power of love replaces the love of power, can there be peace on earth,” will resonate with you too and inspire you to be the change you wish to see in the world. Who knows maybe we can even all use the name of God without embarrassment either.

About The Author

Copyright © 2004, Geela

Author of “The American Dream”

http://www.Geela.com

Geela is an award winning singer/songwriter/composer, columnist, and author of the best-selling book “THE AMERICAN DREAM,” her true- life story of how she came to America as a young immigrant with nothing and overcame incredible obstacles to achieve mega-success. She founded ONE SPIRIT, ONE WORLD to help children and promote a culture of peace and harmony. Get a free sample of her music and her book at http://www.Geela.com.

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com