Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

 by: Terry Hernon MacDonald

You’ve been to the bars, you’ve answered the personals, you’ve maxed out your credit card on online dating services, and you still haven’t met the right person. Or, you ended up dating a series of potential perfect matches, only to be disappointed. Why are your friends able to hook up, but you’re always left high and dry? Have all the good single people slid off the Earth?

Listen, if you continually meet people who suddenly stop calling, who turn out to have some type of social tic like complaining incessantly or being terminally cheap, who never stop talking about themselves, who are incapable of telling the truth, then you have a problem. And the problem is you.

Yes, you.

If you want to attract a good, fun, and genuine person who will love you and make you happy, then you must love yourself and make yourself happy first. If you usually end up dating losers, you are clearly short in the self-love department. You see, according to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like. So if you don’t love yourself adequately, you will attract people who hurt or disappoint you. Always.

Think this is a bunch of hooey, do you? Well, give it a chance and your life will change. I want you to go to the bathroom right now, go to the mirror and look yourself in the eye, and say, “I approve of myself.” Say, “I love myself unconditionally.”

Oooh, doesn’t that feel weird? Doesn’t it feel creepy? Of course it does. Most of us haven’t been raised to love and approve of ourselves. We have no problem at all looking in the mirror and telling ourselves that we’re going bald or our stomachs aren’t flat enough, though. Self-hatred is perfectly acceptable. Looking in the mirror and saying, “I approve of myself, and I love myself unconditionally” is weird. And scary.

But I want you to keep it up. I want you to get behind the wheel of your car tomorrow, and instead of speed dialing some chum while you’re flying down the parkway, say “I approve of myself” out loud again and again and again. Say it one thousand times. Say it at home while you’re doing the laundry. Say it when you’re cooking dinner (or peeling it out of a paper bag).

After a couple of weeks, your subconscious will accept the fact that you truly love and approve of yourself. And guess what? You will attract better friends, better jobs, better circumstances, and yes, much better dates.

You will find that you attract people who are more reliable and less neurotic. “Good” single people will seem to come out of the woodwork. You will not have to work so hard to get a second date or to maintain a relationship. People will want to be with you because you feel good about yourself.

Self-love attracts love like a magnet. Go for it.

About The Author

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the host of “Romance Talk with Terry,” which airs Fridays at 4PM ET on HealthyLife.net Internet radio. Listeners can tune in at http://www.healthylife.net, or go to http://www.marrysmart.com for additional broadcast times.

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com

Fear is funny stuff. On the one hand, it keeps us from
climbing too high in the tree. And from walking too close to
the edge of the cliff. When fear cautions of such things, it
pays to listen attentively.

But on the other hand, fear can smother curiosity,
creativity, and many other positive attributes essential to us
all. While it is not commonly noted, fear is one reason many
balk at the mere thought of learning most anything. For some,
this fear is so strong they refuse to accept any new idea or to
even consider a better way of doing anything.

Fear Is Rational

Suppose you discover something new today you know is
absolutely true. You are certain beyond a doubt that it is
so. It may mean you need to reevaluate *all* your cherished
attitudes, values and convictions.

In short, a new idea can compel one to make changes. While
they are unlikely to amount to a new lifestyle, some old habits
may need to be replaced with new ones. Some attitudes may need
to be updated. And some values may need to be adjusted a bit.
For many, such needs are too frightening to even consider.

Thus they shun such risk. They avoid learning and any
activity which might present new ideas. They tend to remain set
in their ways, and don’t want to change much of anything.

Yet Success Requires Learning

Any business, offline or online, either continues to grow,
else it stagnates, and ultimately withers and dies. To continue
to succeed, there is no option but to grow. Yet growth and
learning are intertwined. There will be no growth without new
ideas to be explored and implemented.

This is not an acceptable proposition to many new to
business. Particularly on the Web, there seems to be a tendency
to create a business, then focus on keeping it running as well
as possible. While this may generate some income, it does not
lead to more, for it does not lead to growth.

Fear As A Brick Wall

Suppose you discover through testing on your website that a
navigation bar across the top of your page draws better than one
in the left column. Suppose page views double, indicating many
more people are exploring much more of your site. And that
sales increase.

Possibly for years, you have “known” a navigation bar to
the left is the only way to go. How do you deal with this new
information? Ignore it? You can, of course. And oddly enough,
some will. Why?

1) Because they don’t want to tackle modifying all pages on
their site. And they are unwilling to deal with the uncertainty
of the impact on the overall site.

2) They simply refuse to change their convictions. Such
a move is painful to many, and thus to be avoided at all costs.

3) If something as fundamental as this to a website has been
demonstrated as “wrong,” there’s lots to be reconsidered. This
leads to: “What else do I think I know that’s wrong?”

The moment one comes to this last question, there is fear,
and lots of uncertainty. Some will go to any lengths to avoid
this state. They are simply unwilling to reexamine all other
elements of their site and business and thus threaten their
view of “rightness.”

Stagnation Follows

The wise move in this hypothetical case is to come off
your long held view of a navigation bar to the left, and put
it across the top. Just swallow hard, take a deep breath, and
do it. At most you are risking time and a few sales. If you
keep your previous pages, they can easily be restored if a
major negative unexpectedly crops up.

To do otherwise, is to cling to what you have. Which is
stagnation. And ultimately decline.

It’s Easier Said Than Done

It may be that business people fear change more than others
do. Face it. They have their necks out and their capital is
on the line. Their net is generally their entire income. Make
a blunder, and their family, home, and lifestyle may be
suddenly at risk.

“If it ain’t busted, don’t fix it,” is a commonly heard
refrain. While likely so about many things, it’s certainly not
true of all. There is risk in change. Unavoidable risk. But
without it, there will be no growth.

Put Fear To Work For You

Let fear urge caution as it must. And listen attentively.
But let curiosity and creativity dominate. Let these powerful
tools feed you new ideas. Explore all encountered. Then lock
in those that work for you. Growth is impossible without this
or an equivalent mindset.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Can you see the *good* in good-byes? Many people can’t. They don’t realize that nothing is bad or good, but thinking makes it so. Do you?

Here’s an example:

A person is leaving. You are about ready to say your good-byes. What you *see* in the leaving determines your *tomorrows.* If you can’t see the good, what are you seeing? The bad? Right. And what are you showing the person leaving? Certainly not the good, if you’re thinking the bad. Now . . . both of you are upset. Do yourself, and those around you, a favor. Learn to take charge of your thoughts.

Here’s one way to do that:

A son or daughter is leaving for college. Look at this scenario: The family is solemn, helping their son/brother pack the car for college. Now, the car is packed, they’ve said their good-byes, and are watching as his tail lights disappear down the street. A sad look is on their faces, because, for a few minutes, they are sad. Suddenly, they realize he is actually gone. They all rush into the house, each with a different purpose in mind! They had told themselves that they wouldn’t begrudge him going to college. He’s gone, now they would look toward the future. You can see their thoughts. *The mom gets a new sewing room!* *The dad gets to use the computer more!* *The teenage daughter gets to have the upstairs bathroom all to herself!*

Now, that is progressive — and healing — thinking.

What is NOT progressive and healing thinking is continually thinking about how much they will miss him. They will, of course, but they will have compensation. Their son is going on to a better life. His future is great. It’s not like he’s gone forever, and there is nothing they can do, or would want to do, to stop his progress. They will be helping him by helping themselves.

Here’s the other side of the coin. They didn’t see the *good* in good-bye. They moped and missed him, built their life around what they were missing, and years go by before they realize that they had put their life on hold for a person who was really never coming back to the same life they had known and loved.

Look at both scenarios. There really is some *good* in good-bye. All we have to do is take control of the situation and look forward to handling it beautifully. If we don’t, we are letting the situation take control of us.

Why not prepare for these situations? Why not, say, plan on moping and missing the leaving loved one for a designated period of time — like one hour, OK, maybe a day — THEN get on with your lives so you will have plenty to share with them when they come back.

Why not, every time you start to miss him or her, retarget your thoughts to all the good things that person is accomplishing with his or her life.

Realize now that you’d probably better start accomplishing things, too, or you won’t have anything new to share with your loved one that is away growing and learning.

Meet the challenge head on, show your son or daughter, by example, how to act when one has to *let go* of someone they love. They are always learning from us.

~~~~~~~~~
Copyright 2003, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide
~~~~~~~~~

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

The One Thing You Really Want…

 by: Neil Millar

There is one thing you want…

My guess is you want it so badly that you crave it – hunger it.

And if you got it, your whole life would light up like the sky during a firework display. The thing is you don’t actually know you want it – well you do, but you won’t know it until you’ve got it, and until you get it, you’ll just notice a great big void in your life. I’ll explain.

One thing we all love, above almost anything else, is the admiration and appreciation of our parents, partners and peers. To do something and be told, ‘well done” or ‘I’m proud of you’ or ‘I respect you for making such a great effort’ just means so much. But how do you get it?

Easy… give it.

Giving what you want often gets you what you want. Below I’m going to retell a story one of my clients told me after a coaching session on giving appreciation.

“Each in turn, five of us, we all said what we thought, really speaking out from the heart.

I looked at my Mum, the person getting all the attention, sitting two seats away from me at the dining table, tears welling up in her eyes and chin quivering slightly.

I realised then that it had been too long since she’s heard a decent, heart-felt compliment. ‘I appreciate the way you put yourself out,’ I said. ‘I appreciate how you always make me feel welcome,’ my fiancée said. ‘I appreciate the way you’re always there,’ my dad said. And then it was the turn of her grandchildren.

Her ten year-old Grandson said, ‘I appreciate your sandwiches’ and her four year-old Granddaughter chirped up. ‘I appreciate your hair.’

From that day on we decided to have an appreciation session on every birthday, every Father’s Day and Mother’s Day too. And I have to say these events really have taken on a new and more special meaning.

On my birthday I couldn’t wait to hear all the nice things people thought of me. And silly as this may sound I’d have rather had their compliments than the presents – though the presents were really nice too! But here is something I’ve discovered that is really powerful. Compliments are like fairy dust – magic!”

What a great story. Sprinkle that fairy dust on your travels and watch the magic in your world. People smile at you, people compliment you back. Some look at you, bewildered: the grumpy cashier at the bank and the family member that might not have compliments gets complimented.

About The Author

Neil Millar is the author of Black Water, the adventure novel with personal growth, and the personal development books Greater Steps to Happiness and Be the Hero in your Own Life. He writes articles each month for Unstoppable Life along with the personal development coach, Jo Ball.

Get tips, stories and ideas on achieving what you want in life in a monthly email. It’s FREE and you’ll even receive a copy of Greater Steps to Happiness in e-book format as a way of saying thank you for joining the subscription list.

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Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com