7 Ways to Defang Difficult People

 by: Tom Russell

Difficult people are on the hunt for a quarrel. It’s not personal, usually. It’s just that you happen to be the most convenient target.

Difficult people are insecure. They want YOU think and live like THEY think and live. Misery indeed loves company. They feel better if you are tense and unhappy.

What can you do to instantly neutralize their negativity? You cannot stop them from being difficult and demanding. Heaven help you if you try! But you can control your own reactions through the amazing power of NowFacts.

What are NowFacts?

Simple, healthy and truthful principles you voice to yourself silently, in the present moment. Speech is powerful! It is your connecting point back to your calm and intelligent center. Speech instantly reminds you of the wisdom and power you already possess.

Here are 7 NowFacts you can use when difficult people are on the prowl. These are secret silent statements you say to yourself:

1. I am not an actor who must obey your script.

The difficult person has a script. In the script he writes that you get angry, that you fight with him, that you condemn him, that you get stressful and frustrated. Difficult people want opposition. That is their primary aim! When you employ this NowFact you inform yourself that you have the power of choice. You are never compelled to go along with their script. A silent refusal to take the bait sends a very powerful signal to the difficult person. They get it!

2. I just cannot afford you any more.

This NowFact reminds you that some relationships carry much too high a price. You have to let go. There is no feeling of superiority or hostility. You simply cannot afford the relationship any more. It cost too much. You have to move on because you know it is best for YOU and for the other person.

3. I see your rage as childish, not forceful.

Here is how you can heal your perceptions. This NowFact reminds you that anger is weakness, not strength. Work with this NowFact and watch it release its treasures of wisdom and self-command. You’ll never again cringe before an angry person.

4. You don’t know it, but I remain at a safe inner distance from you.

Personal growth widens the gap between both your own inner negativities and those of others. You see anger from a higher place. Instead of being immersed in it, you’re above it now. You need never descend to a lower level to accommodate an immature adult. With NowFacts, your life is in your power!

5. I will not injure you by doing your work.

Difficult people are very sly in getting others to carry their load. They ARE difficult precisely because they have refused self-responsibility. We harm adults when we do things for them they must do for themselves. This NowFact is compassion in action. Truth is never clouded by sentimentality, which is nothing more than cruelty in disguise.

6. I sense a lot of violence in your gloom.

This NowFact is in the same category as number 3 above, “I see your rage as childish, not forceful.” It is called “reframing.” Reframing teaches us to see things through an entirely different lens. It is an amazingly effective method for self-renewal.

Difficult people are often gloomy. How often have we tried to cheer one of them up and been bitten? It can be compassionate to say an encouraging word at times. But we have to be wise! Hardened and dedicated difficult people want your cheerful words, not to pick themselves up, but to pull you down with them! Sense the violence behind their mask of gloom and you empower yourself.

7. If you want a destructive fight you will have to fight all alone.

A destructive fight is what the difficult person is after. It’s what THEY want, not what YOU want. With this NowFact you can stay in your own clear skies.

If you refuse to battle the difficult person on their own turf, what can they do about it? The only way they can control you is if you catch the negative ropes they toss. Anger, guilt, frustration — all these negative ropes fall to the ground, unclaimed by you, once you learn to leave the problem with the person who has it.

Conclusion

Remember, these NowFacts are voiced silently within yourself, unless you know you are alone. They help you ignite self- understanding you already possess but have temporarily forgotten. Difficult people seem to have power only when YOUR True Power is temporarily dormant. Wake it up!

Nothing is more beneficial than standing up for what you know to be true. Don’t let the world and its drowsy people tell you what is true for you. Tell yourself! Passivity in the face of falseness is the underlying cause of the world’s problems. With NowFacts you reclaim your life with its inherent happiness, intelligence and humor. Nothing is more fun!

About The Author

Tom Russell is the author of Several eBooks, including “The Power of Vertical Thinking” and “Seven Secrets to Light Up Your Essence.” He is the host of http://www.SuperWisdom.com and the editor of the SuperWisdom E-zine, read biweekly by more than 20,000 people in 42 countries. He assists professional salespeople and entrepreneurs to live with greater energy, focus and spiritual insight. He has been interviewed on more than 200 radio and TV talk shows.

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com

Running a successful business is all about detail and execution.
You have to pay attention to the small things. If you are
messing up orders and slow on customer service, people start to
notice. Sales dwindle. Do it all right and word gets around.
Your sales grow fast.

People pay for quality, even if your price is higher than your
competitors.

That is why I like to work with good people AND harass them.
I’m the guy who makes sure the details aren’t forgotten. That
makes for a very good product or service that flows smoothly and
leaves customers wanting more.

By harassment I don’t mean getting on your case in a bad way.
We’ve all worked for people like that (and probably didn’t enjoy
it.) I try to make my harassing fun and interesting.

Step one. Make sure the people around you–your employees, your
downline, your affiliates–really trust you. They have to know
that deep down you value them, like them, and want to help them
succeed.

You can do this by personalizing what you tell them. Don’t send
a one-size-fits-all “to whom it may concern” memo. Send an email
with the specific person’s name at the top. Talk directly to
their strengths, their weaknesses, and their particular
situation.

Even better, pick up the phone or drop by for an in-person visit.
It’s always nice when you can put your business on auto pilot and
go fishing, but your key people will get discouraged if they
don’t get a personal visit from you from time to time.

Step two. Let people know when they have done a good job. That
has far more influence on them than just complaining about what
they did wrong.

I learned that from a famous psychologist. If you did
something he liked, the psychologist would tell you what a smart
person you are. If you did something he didn’t like, he would
simply sit quietly. After a while you only did the things he
liked, the things you got complimented for.

If the person does almost all the job right, but misses a few
things, let him know about it nicely. Use the Oreo cookie
method. First tell him what he did right, then mention the
few things that need to be corrected, then leave by again telling
him how he is doing a good job.

Step three. Group things together for people. Before my kids
leave for school I say “Don’t forget to make your bed, take your
lunch with you, and mow the grass when you get home.” Batch
together a few changes or tasks when you see people that work for
you. It works better than shooting isolated orders to them one
at a time. It is easier for people to stay organized.

Step four. Finally, make your harassing fun. Nobody likes to do
a job that is boring or, worse, makes them feel bad. Keep a
smile on your face and a light tone in your voice. When
something goes really wrong, change your tone so people
understand this is more serious.

Try to keep those two tones separate so people don’t get
confused.

Work on being the woman or man who keeps things fun while all the
important details are getting taken care of. At the end of the
day, that is what separates the so-so managers from those who can
turn out a fine product or service and keep loads of happy
customers coming back.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement

Robert Elias Najemy

Part 3 of a 5 part series on creating a Positive Life Outlook

Some fear that if we accept ourselves as we are, that we will have no motive to improve ourselves.

There is a small possibility that self-acceptance might cause a few people to loose interest in self-improvement. In most cases, however, it opens the door towards natural change and self-betterment.

Contrary to what many think, self-acceptance is usually a prerequisite to moving beyond aspects of our selves which we would like to leave behind.

It is as if that aspect which we want to change is another person whom we are rejecting and asking to be different. They will usually resist and become even more deeply entrenched in the behaviors we would like to them to change.

The same seems to happen when we reject aspects of ourselves. Those tendencies or “sub-personalities” tend to resist letting go of their ways of functioning and behaving. Thus, we often delay our freedom from such undesired habits or characteristics when we reject them or ourselves for having them.

Say for example, we smoke or eat or drink too much. Or we might tend towards aggressiveness, jealousy, anger, fear or other unwanted emotions. We might prefer to be more assertive and dynamic in achieving our goals.

Rather than reject ourselves for what we would like to change, a much more effective approach is to:

1. Accept that undesired aspect of ourselves as a natural evolutionary response to the various stresses, disappointments, difficulties, and challenges we have encountered until now in our lives. We have developed these habits and tendencies as an attempt to “protect” our selves from “dangers” or to “relax” from our tensions.

2. Learn to understand these aspects of our being. They are parts of us, which deserves our love and acceptance as it is. We need to understand what those parts of ourselves are actually seeking through those behavior. They might be seeking security, affirmation, freedom or perhaps release of tension.

Our “aspects” or sub-personalities can search for security in money, food, relationships, sex, smoking, coffee or even through conflict. We have been programmed to doubt our security and self-worth and to fear for our freedom and to seek them at times in strange and sometimes self-destructive ways.

Thus the second step is to understand these parts of ourselves and realize how they feel and what they need.

3. The third step is to begin to reeducate these parts of ourselves and help them understand what is really in their benefit and how they can achieve real security, self-worth, freedom and fulfillment. This might take the form of a dialogue with that aspect of ourselves in which we listen to its needs and then explain how we perceive our lives and share our goals and needs. We can write a dialogue between these two parts of our being – the one who wants to keep on with its habits and the second which wants to move on to other ways of behaving. They can each express to each other their:
a. Needs
b. Feelings
c. Beliefs
d. Goals.

This can also be done by setting up two chairs and creating a verbal exchange in which we speak alternatively for each part of ourselves as we change positions sitting in each chair as we change perspective and seek to feel and express that aspect of ourselves.

4. The fourth step is to take the position of our higher wiser self and speak to both parts of ourselves. Both the part, which wants to the change and the one, which does not, are equally aspects of our being. They are like our children and they need to be accepted and loved as they are. They need to be helped to love harmoniously in the same body and mind.

5. In the end we need to understand that our true being is not limited to either of these aspects. We are something much greater.

This mutual inner acceptance and communication between these conflicting aspects our being opens the door to a type of inner cooperation which brings about a much more effective and lasting change than can ever be accomplished through self-rejection and conflict.

The same is obviously true about our need to change others. We can get much better results if we accept and understand them and their needs and then express our needs in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.

As for the fear that we might relax too much and not move forward if we accept ourselves, we would do well to remember that all of nature seeks to evolve. Our inner being naturally seeks to evolve. This is our basic inner need. We are all driven by an inner pressure towards perfection. How else can we know that we do not have perfect love or justice, unless we have an inner frame of reference.

We want to create health, harmony, peace and love in our lives because these remind us of out true inner self. These are who and what we are.

No matter how much we accept ourselves we will always want to move towards that manifestation of our inner potential.

We need to externalize our inner beauty. Loving and accepting ourselves is the first step towards that.

(Adapted from the “The Psychology of Happiness” by Robert Najemy available at http://www.Amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

The Best Way to Pick Up a Girl

 by: Paul Kyriazi

You see her across the room. Ah, so attractive. But nobody to introduce her to you. ‘Ah, I’ll do a James Bond on her,’ you think. Now what was Bond’s first words to Pussy Galore? ‘I must be dreaming.’ No, that won’t work. How about singing ‘Underneath the Mango Tree’ to her as Bond did to Honey Rider in ‘Dr. No’. Ah? No! Well, what’s left? You’ll just have to go up and talk to her, if it’s a situation where you won’t see her again. But it’s always safe to assume that she has a boyfriend that can squeeze the stuffings out of a gold ball. That aside, take a chance and make polite conversation. What’s the worst that can happen. She says, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not available.’ and you save the time and money of a date with her. Like George Burns says, ‘When a beautiful woman says ‘no’ to me, it’s a relief.

If you know that you will see her again, like at your university, your job, or working at a restaurant, you can have another shot at her and use the shy man’s approach to getting a date.

‘You farm boys don’t make a pitch, you just shy your way into position,’ Ann Margaret says to Pat Boone in ‘State Fair’.

Okay, here it is. Instead of asking her to dinner or out on a date which has romance intended, get some tickets to a concert or event first, and then with tickets in hand say, ‘I just happened to have tickets to this event. If you’d like to go with me, I’d be happy to take you.’ This way the subject is the event. Talk about the person singing at the concert, instead of if the two of you could hit it off or not. She can easily say yes or no, or ask more questions about you or the time and place of the event. She doesn’t have the pressure of turning you down, so she can just turn the event down and that will be that. And if by chance she can’t make that date, but is interested in you, she can start talking about going out another time.

I’ve strongly suggested this ‘ticket’ technique to both men and women who are infatuated with someone at work, or at shop, or restaurant, and have no idea how to make an approach. If the person is available, they usually say yes to an invitation. After all, it’s just going to an event. It’s not really a date.

I used this ‘ticket’ technique in college to ask out a beautiful stranger. I was very shy, but was ‘in love’ from a distance so I had to take some kind of scary attraction. Her name was Cindy and I often saw her in the student lounge surrounded by guys. It took weeks of watching her before I could catch her walking alone, and ask her if she’d like to go see the reserved seat Cinerama showing of ‘Grand Prix’. She said, ‘Well, I don’t know you, but if you come and talk to me sometimes and I get to know you, then maybe.’

So in the next days I made an attempts at getting in a few words with her as she talked with her friends. Then I found out she was taking the film appreciation class that I had taken a semester earlier. So I pushed the teacher to show my new 16mm action film in the class that she was in. He fiqured I had a secret motive because he said he’d show it in the morning class, but I said it had to be shown in the afternoon class (the one Cindy was in). Finally, he agreed.

I not only directed the film, but had a part in it where I used my newly learned karate and hoped she would be impressed. The film went over great with the class cheering and applauding. As she was leaving the class I said to her, ‘Well, do you know me well enough now?’ She said, ‘To go out with you? I replied, ‘Yes.’ She smilled and nodded her head yes. So don’t ‘ask her out’. Don’t ‘take her to dinner’. Get some tickets, and maybe she’ll answer you like Cameron Diaz does in ‘Charlie’s Angels’. ‘Tickets? I love tickets!’

About The Author

Paul Kyriazi – Live the James Bond Lifestyle

http://www.BondLife.com

Source: High Quality Article Database – 365Articles.com