How to Gain a Good Self-Esteem – the Easy Way

 by: Carna Zacharias-Miller

Need more self-esteem? – I thought so.

Just about all of us would like to see some degree of improvement in the way we perceive ourselves. If only there was a magic pill that would make us feel bold, smart, rich, beautiful, and cute all at the same time. Yet, this priceless treasure called self-esteem seems to be elusive and volatile.

To make matters worse, everybody else seems to have it in abundance – so why can’t I just grab a big junk of it and hold on to it, at least until I have secured this great job/lover/win?

Well, there is a reason for this: self-esteem is not a single, solid “thing” one can chase down, obtain and possess. It is rather a fluid quality that evolves naturally, when the obstructions that keep it from expanding are dissolved. These obstructions could be: traumatic (childhood) memories, bad habits, fears/phobias, performance anxiety, or a poor body image. In other words, it is usually not a single negative event or circumstance that does the damage: It’s the long-lasting, underlying, often hidden issues that erode our self-worth, often without our awareness.

O.K., there really is no magic pill to get rid of all these problems in a very short time, but there is something that comes pretty close: It is called EFT, and it is designed to take on everything that stands in the way of high self-esteem.

So, what is EFT?

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), developed by Gary Craig, is an emotional form of acupressure. You tap with your fingertips to stimulate certain meridian energy points on your body while you are “tuned in” to your problem. The cause of every negative emotion lies in the disruption of the body’s energy system. EFT is usually rapid, long-lasting and gentle. No need for drugs or equipment. It is easily learned by anyone, children included.

Let’s say you had a father who told you that you were a failure and that you would never amount to anything. In this case, you could first tune into the pain and the anger surrounding this relationship and tap on these feelings. Most likely, memories will come up. Was there a specific situation when he put you down? What did you feel? Go through every memory and feeling. Often, the emotional intensity decreases immediately.

Another example: You have low self-esteem, because you are overweight. There are several approaches possible. Do you have any cravings? Tap on each and every one of them. Do you dislike your body? Tap on your specific feeling. Emotional pain? Get specific and tap on it.

Sometimes, especially with complex problems, it is more effective to do the tapping under the guidance of an EFT practitioner. However, any tapping on a specific issue and the pain, anger, or sadness that surrounds it, helps. Dissolve the negative emotions that control your life, and high self-esteem emerges – naturally.

About The Author

Carna Zacharias-Miller, EFT-CC, EFT-ADV, is a practitioner in Central Florida who uses Gary Craig’s original method. She offers live and telephone EFT sessions. To get more information, participate in a Forum, and to download the Basic EFT Tapping Sequence, visit her web site www.taptoheal.com

info@taptoheal.com

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Recently, I had the pleasure of spending the afternoon with Les Brown, one of the
world’s most prominent motivational speakers. I had flown out to Phoenix, Arizona to
see Les and several other speakers share their knowledge in a one-day seminar put on by
Summit Seminars (http://www.summitseminar.com).

Les Brown had this powerful little thing to say. “Go BEFORE You Are Ready.”

When I heard that message, it caused me to stop and think about my own life. I
remembered earlier this year having the opportunity to take over the second floor of the
office building we lease for my company. At the time, I really had no need for this extra
space. I declined the offer even though I knew how quickly my company was growing.

Well, 6 months later I am now looking for more office space! Just as I had felt, my
company has grown and I have completely outgrown our current location! It’s too late to
take over the second floor. It’s been rented to somebody else and they will be there for the
next 5 years!

Often in my coaching sessions, I am asked about how to know when you are really ready
to take the next step. In other words, is there really a “right” time to make your move, to
take on a new challenge, to grow your business, to launch your new web site, or to
propose marriage to your significant other?

Are there signs, or do you just get a “gut” feeling around about the time you need to take
the next step. For many of us, we get those gut feelings, and often times, we’ll simply
rationalize them away. We’ll tell ourselves how many other things have to be lined up
first before we can take that next step in our lives.

For some people, they may never take that next step! Instead, they tell themselves again
and again how “someday” they will have what they want; yet they do all they can to
avoid moving even one step forward. Are you starting to see why so many talented
people never become the successes they could be?

I believe that what Les Brown was saying is that if you have it in your mind that you are
going to take the next step, don’t wait for all things to be perfectly lined up, get out there
and take that next step now!

When you stop to consider it, you and I are never really ready for the next step. We can
always find reasons to put off taking the next step, or making the next move. We are
experts at procrastination!

The reality is that opportunity will only pass you by once. I procrastinated. I wasn’t
totally “ready” to take on the second floor of my building. Now, that opportunity has
come and gone and it will cost me much more to move my entire organization to a new
location in order to keep up with our rapid expansion.

It’s sometimes a little daunting to make a move without really knowing what to expect on
the other side, but listen to this. All growth happens in the unknown!

It’s not our place to know what’s next. It is our place to stand up and be ready for that next
step, wherever it may lead us. And, from what I have experienced in my life, it’s exciting
to see what happens!

It’s interesting to note is that when you do make your move, things happen! For instance,
had I moved into the second floor office, I would have seen an even faster increase in the
size of my business. It’s simply a matter of being brave, getting out of our comfort
zones, and taking action on the things we already know will move us to where we want to
be.

So, instead of fearing the unknown, be curious about it. Approach it with positive
expectation and be ready to be surprised, thrilled, excited, and moved!

After all, life is an adventure and adventures are most fun when we show up excited,
right? This is your life… and what you do with it is entirely up to you. Choose well.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Stuck? Wondering what to do about finding a job, a relationship or a new home? Don’t get caught in the self-analysis trap: months, days and even years of “thinking.”
I’ve met dozens of people who think “getting free” begins with an armchair, a self-help book and a beer.
Action creates energy. Have you ever spent a whole day driving? Lying on the couch with a book and a heavy-duty remote control? At the end of the day you’re exhausted.
Action fuels thought. You can sit on a couch all day with the self-help book, but how will you complete the exercises? The world looks different as you sit in your living room. When you get off the couch and face the outside world, your answers will change.
Action is a test of your readiness to change. Are you thinking of hiring a coach or counselor? Before you pick up the phone, take some small action on your own. Get a list of articles from the library or web. Make some phone calls. Are you moving? That’s a good sign.
Want to change? Do something different. In a tape version of her recent book, Thunder and Lightning, Natalie Goldberg advises writers to overcome blocks by changing small elements of their lives. Take a different route when you walk home, she suggests; if you normally drive with your left hand on the steering wheel, try the right.
Some ideas:
Do something alone that you normally do with others: shopping, traveling, eating in a restaurant.
Do something with others that you normally do alone.
If you have a routine for evenings or weekends, find new activities.
In his book, How People Change, Allen Wheelis pointed out that changing yourself is pretty simple. If you want to stop being a thief, don’t steal. If you want to be a writer, write. Sounds simple — but it works.
Sometimes, if you are lucky, external events force you to change in a positive direction. Rent the video The Closet (Le Placard). The hero begins as a stereotypically dull accountant. As people begin to believe he is gay, they treat him differently — and he grows into a new, more powerful person.
Can’t get moving?
If you are really, really unhappy, but you can’t get yourself to take even one action step to change your situation, consider some form of psychotherapy. Sometimes you are at a point in your life when it’s time to do nothing, but inability to act can signal serious problems, such as clinical depression.
Do you want to think out loud about which action to take?
Do you want someone to share your thoughts as you try out different actions? Moving — but you’re not sure in which direction you want to end up? These questions suggest you can get help from a career or life coach.
Maybe you believe in New Year’s Resolutions, or maybe you like to take life as it comes. Regardless, I can promise your 2002 will bring exciting new changes and directions…if you jump off that couch and begin taking action.
This article is based on my ebook 9 Magic Keys to Career Freedom
http://www.movinglady.com/freedombook.html .

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

7 Ways to Defang Difficult People

 by: Tom Russell

Difficult people are on the hunt for a quarrel. It’s not personal, usually. It’s just that you happen to be the most convenient target.

Difficult people are insecure. They want YOU think and live like THEY think and live. Misery indeed loves company. They feel better if you are tense and unhappy.

What can you do to instantly neutralize their negativity? You cannot stop them from being difficult and demanding. Heaven help you if you try! But you can control your own reactions through the amazing power of NowFacts.

What are NowFacts?

Simple, healthy and truthful principles you voice to yourself silently, in the present moment. Speech is powerful! It is your connecting point back to your calm and intelligent center. Speech instantly reminds you of the wisdom and power you already possess.

Here are 7 NowFacts you can use when difficult people are on the prowl. These are secret silent statements you say to yourself:

1. I am not an actor who must obey your script.

The difficult person has a script. In the script he writes that you get angry, that you fight with him, that you condemn him, that you get stressful and frustrated. Difficult people want opposition. That is their primary aim! When you employ this NowFact you inform yourself that you have the power of choice. You are never compelled to go along with their script. A silent refusal to take the bait sends a very powerful signal to the difficult person. They get it!

2. I just cannot afford you any more.

This NowFact reminds you that some relationships carry much too high a price. You have to let go. There is no feeling of superiority or hostility. You simply cannot afford the relationship any more. It cost too much. You have to move on because you know it is best for YOU and for the other person.

3. I see your rage as childish, not forceful.

Here is how you can heal your perceptions. This NowFact reminds you that anger is weakness, not strength. Work with this NowFact and watch it release its treasures of wisdom and self-command. You’ll never again cringe before an angry person.

4. You don’t know it, but I remain at a safe inner distance from you.

Personal growth widens the gap between both your own inner negativities and those of others. You see anger from a higher place. Instead of being immersed in it, you’re above it now. You need never descend to a lower level to accommodate an immature adult. With NowFacts, your life is in your power!

5. I will not injure you by doing your work.

Difficult people are very sly in getting others to carry their load. They ARE difficult precisely because they have refused self-responsibility. We harm adults when we do things for them they must do for themselves. This NowFact is compassion in action. Truth is never clouded by sentimentality, which is nothing more than cruelty in disguise.

6. I sense a lot of violence in your gloom.

This NowFact is in the same category as number 3 above, “I see your rage as childish, not forceful.” It is called “reframing.” Reframing teaches us to see things through an entirely different lens. It is an amazingly effective method for self-renewal.

Difficult people are often gloomy. How often have we tried to cheer one of them up and been bitten? It can be compassionate to say an encouraging word at times. But we have to be wise! Hardened and dedicated difficult people want your cheerful words, not to pick themselves up, but to pull you down with them! Sense the violence behind their mask of gloom and you empower yourself.

7. If you want a destructive fight you will have to fight all alone.

A destructive fight is what the difficult person is after. It’s what THEY want, not what YOU want. With this NowFact you can stay in your own clear skies.

If you refuse to battle the difficult person on their own turf, what can they do about it? The only way they can control you is if you catch the negative ropes they toss. Anger, guilt, frustration — all these negative ropes fall to the ground, unclaimed by you, once you learn to leave the problem with the person who has it.

Conclusion

Remember, these NowFacts are voiced silently within yourself, unless you know you are alone. They help you ignite self- understanding you already possess but have temporarily forgotten. Difficult people seem to have power only when YOUR True Power is temporarily dormant. Wake it up!

Nothing is more beneficial than standing up for what you know to be true. Don’t let the world and its drowsy people tell you what is true for you. Tell yourself! Passivity in the face of falseness is the underlying cause of the world’s problems. With NowFacts you reclaim your life with its inherent happiness, intelligence and humor. Nothing is more fun!

About The Author

Tom Russell is the author of Several eBooks, including “The Power of Vertical Thinking” and “Seven Secrets to Light Up Your Essence.” He is the host of http://www.SuperWisdom.com and the editor of the SuperWisdom E-zine, read biweekly by more than 20,000 people in 42 countries. He assists professional salespeople and entrepreneurs to live with greater energy, focus and spiritual insight. He has been interviewed on more than 200 radio and TV talk shows.

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